I do not want children.
It is not a phase I am going through. Neither is it a decision that was forced upon me by my boyfriend. Actually, funny story about the last point. We were strolling along the streets one evening early on in our relationship, and the subject came around to children. We we skirting around the subject of children when he said 'Look, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I don't want kids'. To which I let out a big sigh of relief and said 'Thank goodness, because I don't either'. Yet, nobody seems to believe it. They assume either it is a phase, which I will soon snap out of, or Matt has decided that he doesn't want to have kids, and I'm just falling into line.
Really? Do people think that I can have my mind changed on something so fundamental so easily? Or do people think that because I am an Early Childhood teacher, I automatically want kids? Or maybe it is simply because it is unusual for women to actually not want children? I'm not sure. But let me try to explain why I don't particularly want children.
Don't get me wrong, I like kids alright. I like teaching them, and they can be a lot of fun to hang out with, but the hanging out with them does not make me want one of my own. Even when I was working in the babies room last year, looking at babies did not make me feel gooey inside. Sure some of them were cute, but still I was glad to give them back to their parents at the end of the day. Shall we say, it did not stir my womb into want? Or that it did not make my heartstrings tug?
It hasn't always been this way though. I remember going nuts over babies and children for most of my life. I would literally count down the days until I saw my youngest cousins. I picked Early Childhood as my career, feeling excited that I would be able to spend my working life hanging out with children. I would get clucky over babies, and imagine my life with children. Yet, somehow, two years into a Early Childhood degree, I realise I don't want a child of my own any more.
So what happened, I hear you ask? I don't rightly know. All I do know is that while I don't mind hanging out with kids at work, I don't want to hang out and care for kids at home. I don't feel any tugging at the heartstrings about it. Something has changed, and it happened so slowly and gradually that I don't even know quite when it happened. When I think about my life in the future, in all honesty, in none of those images is there a child.
There are some arguments/statements that are commonly thrown at women who decide to be childless. One very common one is that it is a selfish thing to do. Frankly, that puzzles me. Why is it selfish not to have children? Is it because not having children allows you a great deal more freedom of movement and money, than having children does? I'm not sure. If I wanted to, I could argue that it is selfish to have children. Simply in terms of environmental concerns, you can have one child or drive many Hummers for years and travel around the world several times a year for relatively the same carbon footprint. Or I could argue that wanting to have a child, as at the heart of the decision to bring a child into the world often is formed from the parents' own desires to enjoy child-rearing, rather than the potential child's's interests. But that kind of debate is by the by. The point is, saying that women who choose not to have children are selfish, is just as tit for tat as saying women that have children are selfish.
Along with this, another quite similar argument has been levelled at me. It goes along the lines of, 'Your decision not to have children is selfish, because there are women in the world who are unable to have children. It's spitting in their face'. This argument I really don't understand. So, I should have children just because some people can't? I am sorry for them if they want to have children and can't, but that has nothing to do with my decision not to. Plus, being able to give birth is not the only way to have children. I know for a fact there are children that need foster care as well as adopting all over the world. Not to forget, surrogacy and the like. Sorry guys, this argument is invalid.
Of course, there is the overt insinuations that I am being hostile by telling people I don't want to have children. For the record, it's not something that I go around saying to everyone I meet. The only time I will mention it is if asked about when I am going to have children/how many children do I want and so on and so forth. I just don't think it is something that people automatically need to know about me, not because it makes me feel awkward, but more because it doesn't seem relevant. I have also been told that I will change my mind after I hit thirty. Well, I can't see that happening, as I am becoming more convinced that my decision is the right one for me the older I get, but I guess I will find out in another four years.
Also, for the record, I have never told anyone that they should not have children, or that they should. Nor am I writing this particular blog to change anyone's mind about having or not having children. The point of the blog is to ask for respect for women like me who don't want to have children. After all, I respect the choice of those who have decided to have children, and am in no way derisive of it. In my personal opinion, my choice not to have children does not make me a unfit Early Childhood teacher either. I don't think not being a parent hampers my ability to teach and interact with children, and if one day I saw that it did, I would look for another career.
I am not alone in my profession as a person who does not want children. To read an eloquently written article that adds to my arguments above, please read A Preschool Teacher’s Confession I love kids, but I’d hate being a parent, by Lauren Hoffman. It explains pretty much what it is like to be an Early Childhood teacher, but not want children of your own.
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If you have any comments about what I have written, please do leave me one. If you think I am wrong in any of my arguments, please point it out. I like to know if I am wrong - it's the only way I can get to the right answer.
Don't get me wrong, I like kids alright. I like teaching them, and they can be a lot of fun to hang out with, but the hanging out with them does not make me want one of my own. Even when I was working in the babies room last year, looking at babies did not make me feel gooey inside. Sure some of them were cute, but still I was glad to give them back to their parents at the end of the day. Shall we say, it did not stir my womb into want? Or that it did not make my heartstrings tug?It hasn't always been this way though. I remember going nuts over babies and children for most of my life. I would literally count down the days until I saw my youngest cousins. I picked Early Childhood as my career, feeling excited that I would be able to spend my working life hanging out with children. I would get clucky over babies, and imagine my life with children. Yet, somehow, two years into a Early Childhood degree, I realise I don't want a child of my own any more.
So what happened, I hear you ask? I don't rightly know. All I do know is that while I don't mind hanging out with kids at work, I don't want to hang out and care for kids at home. I don't feel any tugging at the heartstrings about it. Something has changed, and it happened so slowly and gradually that I don't even know quite when it happened. When I think about my life in the future, in all honesty, in none of those images is there a child.
There are some arguments/statements that are commonly thrown at women who decide to be childless. One very common one is that it is a selfish thing to do. Frankly, that puzzles me. Why is it selfish not to have children? Is it because not having children allows you a great deal more freedom of movement and money, than having children does? I'm not sure. If I wanted to, I could argue that it is selfish to have children. Simply in terms of environmental concerns, you can have one child or drive many Hummers for years and travel around the world several times a year for relatively the same carbon footprint. Or I could argue that wanting to have a child, as at the heart of the decision to bring a child into the world often is formed from the parents' own desires to enjoy child-rearing, rather than the potential child's's interests. But that kind of debate is by the by. The point is, saying that women who choose not to have children are selfish, is just as tit for tat as saying women that have children are selfish.Along with this, another quite similar argument has been levelled at me. It goes along the lines of, 'Your decision not to have children is selfish, because there are women in the world who are unable to have children. It's spitting in their face'. This argument I really don't understand. So, I should have children just because some people can't? I am sorry for them if they want to have children and can't, but that has nothing to do with my decision not to. Plus, being able to give birth is not the only way to have children. I know for a fact there are children that need foster care as well as adopting all over the world. Not to forget, surrogacy and the like. Sorry guys, this argument is invalid.
Also, for the record, I have never told anyone that they should not have children, or that they should. Nor am I writing this particular blog to change anyone's mind about having or not having children. The point of the blog is to ask for respect for women like me who don't want to have children. After all, I respect the choice of those who have decided to have children, and am in no way derisive of it. In my personal opinion, my choice not to have children does not make me a unfit Early Childhood teacher either. I don't think not being a parent hampers my ability to teach and interact with children, and if one day I saw that it did, I would look for another career.
I am not alone in my profession as a person who does not want children. To read an eloquently written article that adds to my arguments above, please read A Preschool Teacher’s Confession I love kids, but I’d hate being a parent, by Lauren Hoffman. It explains pretty much what it is like to be an Early Childhood teacher, but not want children of your own.
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If you have any comments about what I have written, please do leave me one. If you think I am wrong in any of my arguments, please point it out. I like to know if I am wrong - it's the only way I can get to the right answer.
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